When I discovered the Stigma, a kind of sign on my forehead, telling I am person that has been abused, is damaged, done – in some way. . . When I discovered this feeling, I put it away as being irrational and not connected to reality. „Nobody sees it, and I am worth as much as anyone else“.
Well. Now and then, life reminded me of the fact, that some people are able to sense my damages and weaknesses, and can be tempted to use them. Which is kind of „normal“; you find manipulative people everywhere, and I know how to defend myself.
The feeling of being „different“ remains, though. Strangely, it was a book which is generally supposed to explain us why Trump became president, that shed light on all these confused but persistent feelings, and made clearer to me what they mean: Quite a lot, actually. It’s not a good idea to try to push them aside and dismiss them as „irrational“. On the contrary. And the problem is neither the „sexual“ aspect of the violence (of which this blog is talking), nor the shame. The real problem consists in the enormous difficulties to trust whomever, and to insert into structures, in which trust is the key currency. For traumatized people, trusting someone is a challenge comparable to that of a bumbler wanting to talk. What is evident and easy for the others, costs us a lot of reflection, strategic thinking and – effort. Again and again. Weiterlesen